The Blog

A little from my book


Hey, you all, how are you doing Sandy Savage here And I wanted to come to you all today. Live. Here’s what I’m doing this entire month. Monday through Friday, I’m going to try to get on here alive and talk to you guys about some, some things that I am super excited about talking to you about, we’re going to go a,

we’re going to talk a ton about how to really overcome things in your life, like how to be resilient, how to not let your past dictate your future. And so I wanted to just start out, you know, this month, but you all know that love you guys – OK – this first week, I’m going to be going through some pieces of my own story. And since that is there’s some really challenging moments within my story that, you know, if you’ve got kids in the room, get them out the room, they don’t need to hear any of this. So, you know, I do, I do want to preface by saying you probably don’t want your kids in the room listening to – listening to any of the pieces of my story. So if you want to listen to it later, you know, or if you want to go tell them to play outside, push outside and go play, then that would be good. So hopefully I have now given you enough time to exit any of the kids from the words what I thought would be really fun to start with in this month because I’m going to, I’m going to be hitting different topics. One I’d really like to know from you all, what are some of the actual blocks that you have in moving forward in different parts of your life? You know, I think that we can start to listen to voices that are not true about ourselves.

Maybe somebody said to us you know, forever ago it could be something that  you feel like you’re not filling the blank enough to do something that you really want to do. And like how, like, we kind of get caught in this little bubble where we don’t want to share with the world, the things that, you know, we were created to share. So that’s some of the things we’re going to be talking about this month.

Like, how do you overcome different things? How do you press forward? How do you – the word resilience just keeps going around in my mind. Like how do you build that resilience? And some of that is, is reinvention. Some of that is being able to take a risk. Some of that is moving forward.

When you think that you’ve failed, you know, always look at like failure is, you know, is not something that’s bad. Like you either win or you learn- you’re either winning at this thing or you learn something really valuable in your life that you can move forward with so not letting that deter you from moving forward into something else

First of all, I would like to know, how are you all doing? How are you doing during COVID? You know, how are you doing with maybe a different way of life? You know, for me you know, I have the shop in Versailles and we are closed and we are still closed at, I am wanting it to be a really safe environment for my people to come into and with yarn.

I mean, people want to touch it and I don’t know that I could just appropriately sanitize everything. So we’re still staying closed to keep everybody safe, but you can still get stuff online with, we have some classes coming up too. That’ll be all online. So you can take advantage of that.

I got in some new yarn the other day too, from Knit collage, which I love. You can go check that out the website. So I thought what would be really fun to do is some of, you know, I have been working on a memoir for quite a while. You know, you start to write your book about your life and you, you know, I will do sections at a time, but it’s something that I’ve just moved forward step by step and doing, and I wanted to read the beginning of the book to you guys. That’s why I said, get kids out of room, go on and get them out. This is, you know, PG 17 out of the room. So this is the beginning of the book that I’ve started writing on.

And, and really, as we’re looking at all these different topics this month overcoming and resilience and everything, I thought it could be helpful to look at some of my own story and what I did in order to move forward in different areas. And so I wanted to start out by reading you a little section of my book. This is the very beginning.

All right, are you ready? Okay.

As I looked around the room, the only thing I saw was people fueled by desire. I was standing in the middle of a convention floor where the industry was sex. Everything, as far as you could see to spur on, um, someone’s sex life, whether with someone or alone and the conference of your home toys, costumes, videos, magazines from the dancers models, important actresses to the consumers, men and women alike men wanting sex, women wanting money and everyone wanting to be loved. It was all I ever wanted to be loved. I had this crazy desire to be loved by someone, anyone I wanted to be taken care of, treasured adored.

I wanted someone to tell me everything was going to be okay, that they would take care of me. I wouldn’t have to sell a body or my mind anymore. I thought it was the perfect plan. I just needed to start a pornography company with a friend of mine and I could be financially taken care of. I had this thought in the back of my mind that I could write porn better than anything that was currently on the market.

I had seen it all. I had fueled my own addiction couched in the notion of research, I could make better storylines, hire better. People, make quality entertainment for people who needed it, but there was one problem. I was miserable. How in the world did I end up here? I was standing in the middle of this room and a black bra heels and a blue silk scarf I had bought an Iceland wrapped around my hips. I walked through the hotel lobby and thought about making an escape. I could just leave everything. I walked through the doors and felt the Florida heat on my face. Should I go back to my home in Mexico? There had to be something more than all this crazy life I had built around me. I walked outside and stood by one of the biggest porn actors of all time.

And he looked happy. Why wasn’t I, I turned my gaze down the ramp, leading up to the hotel and saw a picketer. He was holding this big sound that said John three 16, John three 16. Oh, what in the world. Does that mean for God to love the world? Um, I guess that’s why this guy was spewing at hate.

He is trying to represent a loving God, but hating on people. It made me more confused than ever. I turned to the crowd next to me and pointed out the stickler. We started making snide remarks about his life that he never gets laid was the last thing I said out loud about this guy. When those words came out of my mouth, I felt like I had crossed some strange line.

I felt bad for him. And I felt like I shouldn’t be making fun of him. That I should be loving him. If I was making fun of him, I was no better than he was in passing judgment. It was the first time I felt convicted of something at a deep level. I turned around, walked back inside and began to develop a plan.

I had to get out of this life.

That was chapter one. Yeah! So that’s a little piece of it. I’m going to continue to tell you guys like bits of my story. There’s a lot of people that I’ve made friends with. You’re on Facebook or on Instagram, YouTube, just in my podcast, wherever you’re listening to this.

And you may not know all my history, like my life to you right now may look really shiny and bright and I’ve had to fight to get there. You know? So this month we’re going to talk about the fight. Like how do you get to a spot where you’re okay. Gosh, guys, love you a ton. I hope you have a wonderfully fantastic rest of your day.

And I’ll talk to you soon.

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